I woke up this morning with a red swollen nose writhing in pain. I suspect a spider may have taken a little stroll up my left nostril in the middle of the night and bit me. Rather than hide in shame I thought I would share with you guys what happened to me as a tale of precaution. There’s something to be said about wearing nose plugs at night.Ow!

QUESTION

Will you be buying an iPhone today Glen?

Tina.

ANSWER

Hi Teena,

Just to begin, my name is actually spelled G-L-E-N-N. You missed the second N. Normally people don’t get too upset at the misspelling of their name, but I have a story to share today that explains why I am bringing it up.

I was born in the city of Montreal in 1966. In the province of Quebec at that time your baptism certificate was your official birth document. Unfortunately for me, our French Canadian priest misunderstood the pronunciation of my first name that my mom gave him over the phone and misspelled it on my certificate.

I didn’t know this until my 16th birthday when I took my first driver’s exam. An official piece of ID was required and I showed the Ministry of Transportation clerk my baptism certificate as proof of my identity. That’s when the discovery was made. The priest who issued the certificate 16 years prior had misspelled my first name as GLEEN, and not GLENN which my mother had requested. It was that day I discovered my name was in fact legally GLEEN and not GLENN.

A costly lawyer and 6 months later I had my name legally changed from GLEEN to GLENN which was the original intent. I begged my parents to have it changed to Steve Austin Humplik as I was a big Six Million Dollar man fan but that wasn’t going happen on their dime. For the record I was named after Glenn Miller, the big band leader who died of a heart attack in a Paris whorehouse. Thanks mom and dad.

So please forgive me if I’m a tad sensitive about the misspelling of my name and don’t even get me started about the spelling of my last name. There is no C before the K.

I apologize for the long winded answer to your question. I have no plans to buy an overpriced keyboard-less iPhone today. I’ve never owned an Apple product in my life and plan to keep it that way. I suspect you are asking this question because you may in fact be contemplating an iPhone purchase for yourself. Enjoy being one the idiots waiting in line begging to be a try hard, I’ll stick to my BlackBerry.

QUESTION

Glenn, you haven’t posted in ages. I’m worried that you are dead? Are you dead Glenn?

Tito.

ANSWER

Hi Tito,

Great name by the way, especially if it’s actually yours and not an internet pretender like bigdink69 or bonglover2008.

Just want to thank you for your question regarding my existence on this great planet of ours that we call earth. I am indeed alive and well despite the lack of posts on this blog.

There are many reasons I’ve been quiet recently. Here are some of them in no specific order:

1. Spending a lot of time making horsey sounds with my daughter’s Fisher Price Real People figures. My daughter is normally with me when I do, although I’ve caught myself doing it on my own lately.

2. Laziness.

3. Not being able to find anything relevant or remotely entertaining to share with you guys.

4. Brain dead, which I guess answers your question to a certain extent.

5. Out and about enjoying the summer rather than spending all my time online getting fatter like I normally do every winter.

6. See above… on a diet trying to get fit by going out cycling every second night. Don’t even get me started on the trials and tribulations of attempted weight loss.

So that’s part of it, I’m sure things will pick up once this summer comes to an end. In the meantime I encourage everyone to send me questions via email. Send them my way and rather than answering them individually I’ll post the answers here on my blog for others to scrutinize burn and make fun of. I say that because I know that why the internet exists in the first place. It’s a great hiding ground to make fun of others. The likelihood of getting me to answer anything related to my previous employment in the TV industry is pretty low (about 2.47 percent), but nothing else will be considered off topic.

NHL draft, originally uploaded by ghumplik.

Sitting in the stands of Scotia Bank Place here in Ottawa.

Let the 2008 NHL draft begin.

This is probably only funny if you happen to be Canadian.

oh no, originally uploaded by ghumplik.

Mr. Potato head got exposed to too many pesticides as a child.

finally, originally uploaded by ghumplik.

Thank god the NHLL season is finally over. Good job Red Wings. Now I can move on and enjoy the summer.

Oh wait, I just got my tickets today to the NHL draft two weeks from now.

Oh well. I tried.

new design, originally uploaded by ghumplik.

Tonight was the night to change humplik.com’s layout. I was absolutely bored with the old one.

I’ve never really thought of the hip hop crowd as big chess players. It smells like a bad idea to me, but what the hell do I know.

Wu Tang Clan’s RZA has launched his own chess site wuchess.com, check out the introduction video. I realize the video is not meant to be funny… but…

http://www.wuchess.com/tour/

Unfortunately for Rob, he decided to take a nap with my friend Derek around.  A pretty mild video all things considered. Things could have (should have?) been a lot worse.

It’s a sad day in the comedy world today.

I was bummed to hear that Harvey Korman had passed away tonight in Los Angeles. As a child, I remember with fondness sitting around the TV and getting a good laugh with my parents while watching the Carol Brunett show that Korman co-starred on. Best known for his hilarious skits with Tim Conway, Korman is an old Hollywood TV funny man who will be missed by everyone who laughed with him over the years.

Thanks for the many laughs Harvey!

As a big fan of the TV show “The Office” I got a big laugh last night watching the “true original” Japanese clip/parody on Saturday Night Live. Very funny stuff for you “The Office” fans out there.

Speaking of “The Office”, I thought the season finale this week was absolutely hilarious. I spent a good five minutes of the show hiding my face in my shirt laughing uncomfortably. Thank you Steve Carell.

I’m really looking forward to Season 5 in the fall.